She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
