The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
