How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
