Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
