seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
