the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
