I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
