Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
