Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
