She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
