Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
