i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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