Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
