dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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