I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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