That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
