ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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