i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
