I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
