i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
