nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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