Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I look better un-naked...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's the barista slut.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
