Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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