Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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