I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
