i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
