4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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