dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
