Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's shark week go big or go home
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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