Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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