I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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