Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
