Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
