i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
