She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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