she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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