im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
