I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I deserve this hangover.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
