well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
