I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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