New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
