I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
