Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
