I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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