??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
well you can't waste a boner
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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