what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
