she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
