I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
