The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
