on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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