I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
