Already got asked if we're dating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My ass is underappreciated
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
