I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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